Dealing with Fears

Do you ever find yourself doubting the goodness of God? I mean, as a lifelong Christian, I know that God is good. It's true because He said it. But really, when it comes down to it, do I believe it? Do I trust my kids to a God who lets children be sexually abused, sold into slavery, starve? I can hear the answer in my head now: "God puts us here to help all those that are hurting - we are His hands and feet." Right. I know.

I have started reading "The Secrets of the Vine" by Bruce Wilkinson. Not my typical chick-lit choice, but I was bored. The book talks about our life as a Christian as a vine, relating to Jesus' last message to His disciples in the Garden of Gethsemane in John 15. In a nutshell, the book relates a lack of 'fruit' in our lives to unrepented sin. And if we keep on with the unrepented sin, our discipline from God increases. So of course, as a perfectionist, I have to figure out if I even have any 'fruit'. Do I have enough fruit? What is enough? And if I don't have enough, what unrepented sin do I have in my life?

I have to be honest, I'm not sure if I'm harbouring some sin in my life. As far as I know, I'm alright. I have struggled with bitterness in the past, and have really worked on that. My major stronghold is with anxiety - and since the Bible says 'do not fear', I guess that counts. So what do we do with fears that overtake us so much sometimes, that it practically gives us hives. Fears that stop us from living a life free of burdens by leaning on God.

So by not trusting God with the future of my kids (and myself), I guess I am sinning! Thanks for helping me clear that up. But now what do I do? How do I get from repentance to healing and freedom? Anyone?

Now do you see why I stick with chicklit?

Did you notice I haven't posted in five months?

So, is it just me, or did you notice I haven't posted in five months? It's because I got pregnant. So sick, so very tired! Bring back any good memories, ladies?

I had all these good intentions of taking a picture of my belly each month...but only got one shot at 4 weeks. Thankfully, Melissa has agreed to take some prego pictures in a couple of months.

We only went to two parks this summer, far from my goal of...well, more than two. However, we definitely ate more than two PB&J sandwiches.


But we made it through!! The tiredness hasn't disappeared, but has waned for the time being. The sickness is gone. And I'm so thankful to God to say that this has been the easiest pregnancy thus far. So thanks for your prayers, if you offered them on my behalf!


Now we are at 18 weeks, with an ultrasound next week, but it doesn't really feel much different yet. I mean, I can still put on my own shoes and sleep on my back, so I can't complain too much! Although I really put in a good try when I don't get a good night's sleep.


I'll try to post more often, but can't promise much. Besides cup of coffee and a hug, if you need it.


I'll entice you back with a picture of my new Mom van...the good ole' Sidekick had to go in favour of a vehicle with more seats. I love it!



See you Soon!

Things I Thought I Knew

It has been almost a year since my baby boy was born! This year has gone by very fast, just like the cliches say. It has been a humbling time, especially in the past few months. What is it about kids that humble us so much? Maybe that they reveal our inadequacies.

So, in honour of my inadequacies, and in the name of learning, here is my list of things "I Thought I Knew For Sure":

• All babies should sleep through the night before six months. If they don't, it's the parent's fault.


• Never, ever nurse your baby to sleep. No one wants to be a human pacifier.


• Stop rocking your baby to sleep after the first month. Otherwise, you'll be trapped into rocking them until they outweigh you.


• Children must be clean and well-matched.


• What others' think can make or break your reputation or day, and this is important.


• My house should be clean and tidy at most times. This is closely linked to my worth as a mother and wife.


• Dinner should be made by the time the husband gets home, and everyone should enjoy it.

What I Actually Know Now:

• Once a baby starts to sleep through the night, they may stop. Many times. And sometimes, you're just too tired to give a crap.


• Nursing your baby to sleep isn't as bad as it sounds. In fact, it's kind of nice. Seriously, the sleeping baby is pretty precious and it doesn't last long.


• See previous answer. And shapely arms are always attractive.


• Children might be cuter when they're clean and well-matched, but boy, that energy is better spent elsewhere most of the time. Like making dinner. Or cleaning the house. Oh wait...


• A clean house and enjoyable dinner may not be all it's cracked up to be. I mean, what is the cost to your sanity? Plus, I'll have alot of time with a very clean house and gourmet meals when my kids are older. If I have a maid, that is.


• And last, but certainly not least, you have no idea what others' think, and it's a complete waste of energy to try to guess. My self-worth is found in Christ, as all I have and am, all my talents are from Him.

The End

He speaks

Andrew often brings Lincoln into bed with us in the morning, as I'm half-awake, and can't seem to move before 7 am.

As Lincoln begins to wake up, he rolled over, looked at Andrew, and said: "Dad. Hi, Dad."

Andrew calmly replied: "Hi, Lincoln."

Seriously, it's just too cute! I couldn't believe it.

I haven't had the energy put towards posting lately, but I would like to add that we did try another park about two weeks ago, and took pictures and everything! So I will add another pb&j to the list, but may cheat by not writing about it. =)

Fair Trade?

Okay, okay, I know it's good to only try to change one thing at a time in life, but I can't help it. I've previously blogged about my new fascination with organic body products, now I'm learning about fair trade items.

I was in my doctor's office yesterday, and there is an ad talking about slavery - mainly, that there are more slaves today than ever before in history. I find that crazy. And, it's due to my love of chocolate. Okay, maybe not directly my love of chocolate, but more due to our Western culture's demand for cheap items, the price of cocoa plummeting, and corruption in different levels in the country itself.

Of course, there are different types of slavery, trafficking and all of that, but the ones that directly impact me in my day-to-day consumption is coffee and chocolate. These are the ones I can change today by making different shopping choices, anyways!

The facts:

• Close to 14 million people, in over 30 countries, depend on cocoa production, mainly grown in the tropical regions of of the global South - West Africa (the Ivory Coast)
• 90% of the world's cocoa is grown on family-owned farms
• Cocoa farmers work with intermediaries, who pay only a fraction of the cost of the actual value of the crop, and have limited access to information on how much their crop is worth.
• The value of cocoa has plummeted, leading to an increase in child and slave labour.

There are many more statistics out there, but I have a 10-month-old screaming in my ear, so I'll have to make this quick.

Basically, I am endeavouring to buy my coffee and chocolate made by providers with the Fair-Trade logo and certification. It will cost more. But this is one area where I have no second-thoughts: I believe God wants me to protect the dignity of human life. And this is one very easy way to do it. I trust that God will provide for my needs if I walk in His ways.

'Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your way acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight'. Proverbs 3:5-6

Link to Transfair Canada for way more information: http://transfair.ca/en

Summer plans

I have decided to term this summer the "Summer to Visit Parks We've Never Seen". Good, cheap fun while enjoying my babies' younger years. So, I will endeavour to discover parks in the Lower Mainland and visit them on the down days in the week.

Today's visit was to Port Kells Park. About 3 minutes from our house, we've passed this park many times enroute to the highway. Kate was very excited as we packed up our picnic lunch and headed out.

As we pulled in to the parking lot, there was one lone car with a scary-looking man inside talking on his cell phone, and two moms walking away from the park. "Come back!" I think, as I wonder if I'm interrupting some sort of sordid drug deal.

I brave on, take Kate to see the empty pool ("Must need to be fixed", she says), and check out the rambling playground. This playground was clearly past its prime, constructed in the days of lead paint and wooden play structures. While watching over my shoulder for persons of questionable nature, we did the swings, played "Troll Bridge" and enjoyed the see-saw. Lincoln ate sand. All the while, I'm pretty sure there were unmentionable activities going on in different sections of the park. It was just that type of place. I had to stop myself from bolting - if my mother is reading this, she will be horrified that I didn't high-tail it out of there within the first 60 seconds.

As we sat down to our picnic lunch (pb & j, of course), another vehicle pulled in - I've never been so happy to see City of Surrey workers.

I ask Kate if she liked this park.

"It's a little short, Mom." Hmm...good thought, Kate. Short of something, but I'm not sure what.

Score? 2 out of 10. And that's only because I didn't find any needles in the grass.

Andrea saves the universe!

These days, I have a new fascination with things natural and toxin-free. Credit it to my good friend, Kristy, who is a Norwex salesperson - although not a pushy one - but knows all the good stuff to know.

Not only that, but I have a urge to purchase my fruit & veg from local farmers, so I have been on that hunt for a good farm market. Turns out, the market right across from the Superstore will soon be all local produce, which makes my life easier. Although it may make for a two-day grocery shop experience, depending on how long it takes for me to get through the Superstore with two kids.

So, I have purchased my anti-bac cloth, dust mitt and window cloth from Kristy/Norwex (all to clean without the use of chemicals). Now I am looking around for body products (shampoo, conditioner, body wash, etc) that do not contain parabens or SLS. Burt's Bees and Nature's Baby are the forerunners, but I'm not sure if they're worth the extra money. Part of me says, "Hey, we're all going to die one day, right?" And although there is valid concern regarding the harm of these ingredients, there is also little actual research to show their link to cancers, etc.

Deep down, it rings true to me that the less ingredients in an item, the better it probably is for you.

The real question is: why the sudden interest in these things? Maybe now that I'm healing from my post-partum depression, I need something else to worry about! Isn't it funny how our minds can work?

Anyways, I would love some feedback from anyone on these issues!

Have a great, sunny day!