Do you ever find yourself doubting the goodness of God? I mean, as a lifelong Christian, I know that God is good. It's true because He said it. But really, when it comes down to it, do I believe it? Do I trust my kids to a God who lets children be sexually abused, sold into slavery, starve? I can hear the answer in my head now: "God puts us here to help all those that are hurting - we are His hands and feet." Right. I know.
I have started reading "The Secrets of the Vine" by Bruce Wilkinson. Not my typical chick-lit choice, but I was bored. The book talks about our life as a Christian as a vine, relating to Jesus' last message to His disciples in the Garden of Gethsemane in John 15. In a nutshell, the book relates a lack of 'fruit' in our lives to unrepented sin. And if we keep on with the unrepented sin, our discipline from God increases. So of course, as a perfectionist, I have to figure out if I even have any 'fruit'. Do I have enough fruit? What is enough? And if I don't have enough, what unrepented sin do I have in my life?
I have to be honest, I'm not sure if I'm harbouring some sin in my life. As far as I know, I'm alright. I have struggled with bitterness in the past, and have really worked on that. My major stronghold is with anxiety - and since the Bible says 'do not fear', I guess that counts. So what do we do with fears that overtake us so much sometimes, that it practically gives us hives. Fears that stop us from living a life free of burdens by leaning on God.
So by not trusting God with the future of my kids (and myself), I guess I am sinning! Thanks for helping me clear that up. But now what do I do? How do I get from repentance to healing and freedom? Anyone?
Now do you see why I stick with chicklit?
THIS is a big one! I think we all deal with the same sort of uncertainty when it comes to the future and not letting our minds race about the "what if's" -- you know not putting the cart before the horse.
ReplyDeleteFor me I find the more I let go of what might be and what I don't know and sending it up to God, the more I feel that he's got my back. Now it's when we are walking later in life and feel like God has no clue as to what we're walking through and we can throw our hands up and say "where were you on that one God" -- However I just heard a quote the other day that went like this "There is no storm we will go through that God has not already prepared us for".
He goes before us, even when there is a storm He has prepared us to deal with that storm.
Hope this helps, He's always got your back and loves you more than you can imagine!
xo*S