In my experience, I don't always know when God is speaking to me. Is it just me? Is it God? Is it a combination of factors? However, I am trying to develop more of a conversational relationship with Jesus - speaking to Him as a friend that is literally with me. Just reading that over sounds a bit crazy, but I know some of you may understand.
To backtrack a bit, I had a bit of a freakout at the Superstore over the pricematching of butter chicken sauce. I've been on a coupon-craze, trying to save money on groceries. Which tends to make me a bit of a jerk sometimes; I forget to be grateful for what I have. After a harrowing trip through the renovated layout of Superstore, I had a bit of an altercation with a cashier supervisor who did not want to honour the pricematching on the aforementioned butter chicken sauce. I was all riled up: I phoned a girlfriend to be affirmed in my rage, I started and stopped writing an email to the store, I phoned the store itself to be put through to a manager, and then hung up because I was afraid I would get the same supervisor that I had talked to.
All throughout my righteous rage, I couldn't help but think: I hope she doesn't come to church one day, see me and think, "Oh, yeah, these Christians. They're such hypocrites."
The next morning, I was sipping my coffee, staring out the kitchen window and warming my feet on my favourite spot, the heating vent at the bottom of the cupboards, thinking of the situation:
"Oh well," I thought to God, "nothing I can do about it now."
You could apologize
"Oh no. There is no way I am going to the Superstore, dragging my kids out of the car and searching the Superstore for this lady. It would be way to.."
Humbling?
"Yes, humbling."
For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God.
I went to check my email. Then I thought about the wisdom of disobeying the God of the universe. So I said:
"Ok. I have to be out of the house by 9:40am this morning to make it to music class. Kate & I both have to shower and I have to get everyone dressed and out the door. If you want me to go to the Superstore first, God, you're going to have to make us get ready in a hurry."
It was 8:35am. At 9:25am, I walked down the stairs with two fully clothed children, and looked at the clock.
"Guess I'm going to the Superstore."
So off I went, dragged both kids out of the car, and began searching the cashiers for the mystery anti-pricematching-cashier. All along, Kate is asking, "Mommy, what are we doing here?" "Just looking for someone, Kate."
I was comforting myself with the thought that I could simply search for the cashier next time, knowing that it was likely I would talk myself out of this craziness. I walked passed the podium where a cashier supervisor was working.
"Um, excuse me, I'm looking for someone who was working yesterday. Dark hair. Cashier, probably a supervisor. Maybe her name is Karen?"
"Yep, she's on till 5."
"Hmmm, no, not the right person. Anyone else you could think of?"
After some searching, "Susan*. She was working cash yesterday at about 1:00. I'll call her."
"Oh no, it's OK, I'll go find her. What department?"
"Oh, she works in the office. She's our boss." Calls Susan. Susan wonders who the heck wants to see her, and why she's being called downstairs by some psycho customer. She comes down.
"Hi Susan, I don't know if you remember me. I'm the crazy butter-chicken pricematching lady from yesterday. I just really felt like I needed to apologize for the incident yesterday. I was feeling quite stressed out, and I felt that I could've communicated my thoughts in a more positive way. "
"Oh. Well, I should've just given you the pricematch. If you have any problems in the future, just ask for me, and I'll help you."
Thank you and have a nice day on both sides.
I walked away from my God-directed experience and thought, "Well, I don't know what that was about, but there you are, God."
So I am on a journey on learning to hear from God. I hope to really know one day definitively how to know if I'm hearing from God, or just being me. But I'm going forward with the knowledge that I am going to keep trying to be a friend with Jesus, and see what lays ahead.
*names changed for protection of identity. =)
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